


Leave My Heart Open (But It Stays Right Here Empty For Days)

by sleepysundays



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom
Genre: Angry Harry, Angst, Coming of Age, Emotional Roller Coaster, Falling Out of Love, Growing Up, Harry-centric, Headcanon, Heartbreak, Implied Eleanor Calder/Louis Tomlinson, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Moving On, OT5 Friendship, One Shot, One Sided Love, One-Sided Relationship, Sad Harry, Single POV, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 05:50:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2801894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepysundays/pseuds/sleepysundays
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry loves him, he really does, but it has to end sometime, because he’s already given up and he can either keep holding on and be unhappy, or he can let go and finally, finally, stop being so fucking miserable all the time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leave My Heart Open (But It Stays Right Here Empty For Days)

"I don’t want you, I do want you, and it’s easier this way”. Those words were the symphonies of Harry’s life, the background music to the movie that was stuck on the same scene, replaying over and over until it was too damaged to repair. And no matter how many times he tried to fix it, how many times he tried to mend over the broken pieces- he was useless. He was hopeless because Louis had that power over him, had the power to make him feel on top of the world, the power to shatter him into a million pieces, and it was fucking useless to disagree with that- useless to suggest that it could ever be different, that Harry’s feelings could ever change.

Louis was an enigma to Harry- an impossible figure that no matter how hard he tried, Louis was always a puzzle with too many pieces, a puzzle that was so worn down that even if it were put back together, the pieces wouldn’t quite fit the same way.

He loved Louis with all his heart, with his every being, but he was beginning to get tired of this constant game the older man played, the game that Harry always lost. And it was impossible, because Harry was never in control, Louis held all the rules and Louis always won. And no matter how many times he screamed and cried and tried to leave, Louis always got him to stay with a hug and a kiss and false promises that they both knew were lies, lies that Harry pretended were the truth when he was desperate and so incredibly in love that if Louis had told him the world was going to end in an hour, Harry would’ve believed him.

But when would it all stop? And why couldn’t Harry just let him go? When would Harry finally let himself be happy?

And he was so incredibly tired, tired of Louis and Eleanor and being famous and not being able to be himself. And when he laid in bed at night, a bed that was artificial and too clean and not his, he would almost pray for this all to be a dream, for him to be back in Cheshire working in the bakery where he couldn’t even properly bake and everything would be normal, everything would finally be okay. And sometimes when he was miserable and at his last whim, he wish would for a life that didn’t involve Louis, a life where he hadn’t of met the blue eyed disaster, but then he would lay back, teary eyed and frustrated, and ask himself what he was even thinking because what’s a life without Louis?

But sometimes he would indulge in these would-have- beens, where he would imagine his life in Cheshire with a clean reputation (a reputation that wouldn’t be tainted with rumors of promiscuity), imagine a life where he would write music just for the fun of it, a life with a partner that wasn’t perfect, but perfect for him, and two children who were troublemakers, but that he loved nonetheless, a life where One Direction hadn’t existed. 

Don’t get him wrong he loves his boys, loves that Niall’s arms are always open for him when Louis hurts him yet again, loves that Liam is always there to talk, loves that Zayn doesn’t ask him questions, instead handing him a cigarette and wrapping a slim arm around his shoulder, and he loves Louis, but that was obvious.

But things would be easier, and although Harry loved a good challenge, he didn’t like to be defeated and that’s exactly how things with Louis always ended- in defeat. And maybe, just maybe, Harry was tired of feeling beaten down, maybe he was tired of false promises and tears and late nights tossing and turning, so high he could barely see straight. And, fuck, maybe he was just tired of Louis.

And, you know, maybe it was finally time to move on. Harry wasn’t the same sixteen year old who looked up to Louis as if he were made of gold, wasn’t the same boy who placed Louis on the highest pedestal. 

No. 

No, Harry was an adult now, he’s been in and out of the limelight and he’s been crushed by the media, has been called ugly many things, and he’s been part of the biggest boy band for five years now.

Harry wasn’t that naïve little boy any longer. He almost wished he was.

And Louis- Louis wasn’t the vicarious, energetic eighteen year old anymore. Louis was a man now, a man with a girlfriend he wasn’t in love with, even if he tried to convince Harry many times, a man that used to be so many wonderful things, a man who lost his light years ago. Harry almost wishes he still was that boy, that boy he had fallen so in love with.

And no matter how many times he tries to convince himself, how many times he tries to cover up the truth, Harry’s not sure he’s in love with this man anymore, and just maybe he’s in love with the boy Louis used to be. Maybe Harry’s holding on to something he gave up many years ago, maybe he’s holding on too tight to the memories of Louis, and not Louis himself, and maybe it’s time to give him up. Harry loves him, he really does, but it has to end sometime, because he’s already given up and he can either keep holding on and be unhappy, or he can let go and finally, finally, stop being so fucking miserable all the time. Honestly, it was a choice he should have made years ago, a choice he should have made when Louis introduced Eleanor to the group with a bright smile and shining eyes. And it feels so good, so wonderful, to think that maybe the ball might be in Harry’s court, to finally get the control he’s so desperately wanted the whole time.

And Harry, well, he just wants to be loved. He wants to be in love and he wants to be loved, and Louis doesn’t love him and Harry can’t pretend he does. Because this, all the fame and the money and the band, it’s all going to end someday, and Harry can’t invest in someone who’s a coward, someone who can’t decide on what, who, he really wants. Harry’s better that that, Harry deserves more than that, and maybe he’s just now realizing that, just now realizing that he’s worth more than being someone’s secret. He deserves love and he deserves to love someone who will love him wholeheartedly like he does others. Harry deserves the world, not someone who claims loving him is “bullshit”.

And, later that night, when Louis is knocking on his door, and looking at him with those big blue eyes, saying that he’s “so fucking sorry”, Harry doesn’t feel his heart breaking, doesn’t feel like Louis has hung the moon and the stars. Harry doesn’t feel like being alone is the worst option in the world, knows he’ll be just fine being free. He doesn’t give in, doesn’t say he loves the older boy. Instead he says, “Give me a reason to stay Louis.

And when Louis doesn’t say a word, Harry gets his answer and he’s surprised when he doesn’t feel his heart snapping in two. And he knows then he finally gets it, he finally understands, finally realizes that he’ll be okay, he’ll be okay without Louis.

Harry- he’ll be just fine.

And maybe that’s the reassurance he’s needed all along.

**Author's Note:**

> Song is "Story of My Life", but you already knew that (:  
> [And shame on you if you don't]


End file.
